This is a nice reminder to myself.. all of the sentiments in that image are those that I strive for on a daily basis, even when not looking at it.  I have to remember how great of a person I am.  I have so much love.. I just have to remember to give it to myself first. 

Just yesterday I was swimming and there was a bee who was drowning. I helped the bee get out.  I was smiling and talking to the bee.  I know that to some it may sound crazy, but for me it was great connecting to this creature with life. This wonderful creature who has a job, just as the rest of us.  It was rubbing it's eyes trying to get the chlorine out and I felt really bad for it, because it couldn't see.  It only wanted to get to the colorful flowers, but it kept running into my tube of sunblock.  Poor thing.. I wanted to help it so bad, but it probably would have been better off drowning, because now it couldn't enjoy it's life..

I think about how often I do this.. to myself, to people, to other living creatures. Sometimes I love other things and people so much that it can be overwhelming for them.  In turn, it hurts me, because I feel the guilt and wrath of the result.  If a person pulls away or if I hinder them from personal growth, by trying to do too much.  When I should really put myself first ALWAYS and then love freely without expectation to ALL living things. 

It's easier said than done, but I'm glad I found this image today, because it reminded me of my self-worth.  It reminded me that I am a really great person and I should never feel bad for who I am.  I remember someone once said, "if your friends talked to you the way you talk to yourself, you would get rid of them."

What can I say... I'm growing.  Growth can be painful, but it all works out for a reason.

It is easy to get lost in the world.. with all the technology and impersonal interactions online.  It's easy to lose yourself when you love really deeply and the love is unrequited and you are left holding onto something with no closure and no answers as to why things have changed.

Even when things are going great for me right now.  Even when I should be the happiest.. just turned 30 years old a few days ago, I'm in a play that makes me happy, and I've been accepted to different Universiites with offers of scholarships, etc. 

It's easy to lose your self-esteem, when it's up for grabs from anyone in the world who comes into your presence, because you have no grasp on it.

Today I came here, another social network, to seek my inner spirit.  I'm at work, so I can't really sit and meditate by a tree... although I have done that many times in the past couple of months. 

I still can't help but wonder, why, do we want something (LOVE) that can hurt us so bad?  Why do we open our hearts to people that we know can just take us to hell and back?  We do we love love, when love seems to hate us?

In a nutshell, I found my kindred spirit and then I was rejected just like that.  Discarded..

Wow!  So much has changed since the last time I blogged here.  I feel so much more enlightened in life and it was so inspiring to see Gaia as one of the scholarships listed on Fastweb.com, when I get e-mails from them all the time.  I've been a member here since 2007 and I love this website!  I have met a couple wonderful friends here and continue to be touched and moved by this wonderful community.  Below are the scholarship questions and my responses to them.  I wish everyone who has applied the best of luck!  Please comment, I'd love to hear from you. 

• What is your purpose?  - I am on this earth to help people who are in  pain, find peace in their lives by expressing themselves in artistic ways.

• What do you love and how do your actions demonstrate this? - I absolutely love animals, theatre, and education.  I strive to demonstrate my love for all of the many facets of life I enjoy, but the most important to me is being a vegetarian, for I know that in doing so I am standing up for the rights of animals who have no voice of their own.  I most enjoy theatre, because it saved me in a time of my life where I didn't know how to survive.  My son passed away in 2005, from a birth defect called Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia.  Expressing my feelings through dramatic techniques helped me to heal and have something more in life to look forward to.  Since then I have been going to school full-time and I continue to find myself, develop, and realize my calling.  Education is extremely important and being that I am the only college student in my family, I hope to inspire others to take the next step in furthering their education as well.

• Write your ideal job description. - I'd love to have my own drama therapy practice, be a performer, and be a sign language interpreter for theatre productions.  Currently I am attending a community college, with plans to graduate next spring with my Associates Degree in Musical Theatre.  After that I plan to transfer to a University and get my Bachelors Degree in Theatre and American Sign Language.  My ultimate goal is to transfer to NYU and attend graduate school for Drama Therapy.  I am taking things one-day-at-a-time and looking forward to each day with joy and excitement.  I was a lost soul before my son's passing and I know that if it weren't for that experience, I wouldn't have the direction and dedication to follow my dreams, as I do today.  I can't imagine my life being any other way than to help others find peace in their lives by expressing themselves in artistic ways.  It saved my life and I know that it can save others. 
  

I'm not sure why I am up this late, but I have got a lot of work done on the computer.  I updated my business website and stopped in here, which I don't do that often.  Things look different around these parts, but I love the colors.  Purple is one of my fav's!  It's a New Year.. some new things.  I finally decided to fully become vegan, which I am super proud of.  Yes, there are challenges but I find it pretty easy otherwise.  I feel great too! 

School is great.. I had a revelation the other day and I woke up so thankful that I am getting an education.  Some people wish they had this opportunity and I am humble for each and every moment, even when it gets hard.  Today I took my final psychology exam and got a 100%.. woohoo, that made me proud because it took me a couple weeks to get into the swing of things.  Next semester I am trying to have less stress, so I added a dance class and fitness lab, which shall give me some great energy. 

I am still single and now I am ready to meet Mr. right, whoever he may be.  I've dealt with enough to the fakers and I'm ready to take it slow and meet the one.  Hopefully I will meet him this year, but I am leaving my faith in the universe.. who knows maybe I will meet him here.. hmmm.   *smile*

1. Try everything twice. On Madams tombstone (of Whelan's and Madam)
she said she wanted this epitaph: Tried everything twice...loved it both
times!

2. Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down. (keep this in mind if you are one of those
grouches;)


3. Keep learning: Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening,
whatever. Never let the brain get idle. "An i dle mind is the devil's
workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if
you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with
HIM/HER.


6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who
is with us our entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love: Whether it's family, pets,
keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, pre serve it. If it is unstable,
improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next
county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.


10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
I love yo u, my special friend.


11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second
time.

And if you don't send this to at least 4 people - who cares? But do
share this with someone.

Lost time can never be found.

Thanks to my spiritual sister Amber for sharing this with me.. it made me cry!....

Consolation of our hearts
From the death of that beloved youth due to his separation from you the utmost sorrow and grief has been occasioned, for he flew away in the flower of his age and the bloom of his youth, to the heavenly nest. But as he has been freed from this sorrow-stricken shelter and has turned his face toward the everlasting nest of the Kingdom and has been delivered from a dark and narrow world and has hastened to the sanctified realm of Light, therein lies the consolation of our hearts. The inscrutable divine wisdom underlies such heart-rending occurrences. It is as if a kind gardener transfers a fresh and tender shrub from a narrow place to a vast region. This transference is not the cause of the withering, the waning or the destruction of that shrub, nay rather it makes it grow and thrive, acquire freshness and delicacy and attain verdure and fruition. This hidden secret is well-known to the gardener, while those souls who are unaware of this bounty suppose that the gardener in his anger and wrath has uprooted the shrub. But to those who are aware this concealed fact is manifest and this predestined decree considered a favor. Do not feel grieved and disconsolate therefore at the ascension of that bird of faithfulness, nay under all circumstances pray and beg for that youth forgiveness and elevation of station. I hope that you will attain to the utmost patience, composure and resignation, and I supplicate and entreat at the Threshold of Oneness and beg pardon and forgiveness. My hope from the infinite bounties of God is that He may cause this dove of the garden of faith to abide on the branch of the Supreme Concourse that it may sing in the best of tunes the praises and the excellencies of the Lord of names and attributes. ('Abdu'l-Bahá, Selections from the Writings of 'Abdu'l-Bahá, p. 199

Well the guy who I thought was interested in has proven to be a flake and I have had to cut him loose.  I just don't have time to waste in my life right now because too much is going good for me. 

I do fall very easy, but I have been keeping my wall up lately and thankfully I am able to see things faster now than I was able to before.  I still try to love and do things out of love, but I do have to be aware of leechers who just want to use and take advantage of the kindness. 

Tonight I made such a wonderful raw food recipe.  It was so good, I call it "Zucchini-Tomato Privavera".  I also made a really refreshing juice out of ginger, jicama, and carrots.  It feels great going through my body.  Way better than any junk food could feel. 

Here I am, learning to appreciate my solitude and single-ness.  I am addicted to love and I wonder if one day I will meet 'the one'.  There is a song by India Arie called Promises and I really love it because I imagine the love of my life to be this way:

Promises - India Arie
When i think about the turn my life has taken
i know it's because of you that i recieve so many blessings
i had a home but no privacy
i didn't know a thing about my legacy
when i realized you were there for me,
i called on your name, you came,
you did just what you said
for that i'll love you forever
you kept your word to me
for that i'll love you forever

A promise is a promise
in my eyes
can't say your gonna just to compromise
the very thing that keeps two hearts entertwined
a promise is a promise, you can't deny
there's no way

I think of when there was a young boy
not even two years old
blessed with a mother that loved him so
she abandoned her dreams to nourish his own
it wasn't easy for the two of them
but she knew she had to give him a chance
at a better life
it was only right
so she worked, she prayed,
she did just what she said
for that he'll love her forever
she kept her word to him
For that he'll love her forever.

A promise is a promise
in my eyes
can't say your gonna just to compromise
the very thing that keeps two hearts entertwined
a promise is a promise, you can't deny
there's no way

A man's only as good as his word

Her wedding day and she's thinking about
the way he wanted her affection
She was so cynical about love
'cuz she didn't want to be heartbroken again
he looked her in her eye with sincerity
Said he only wanted to protect her
so she took a chance on him
and she's glad she did
because he came for real
and he did just what he said
for that she'll love him forever
he kept his word to her
for that she'll love him forever

A promise is a promise
in my eyes
can't say your gonna just to compromise
the very thing that keeps two hearts entertwined
a promise is a promise, you can't deny
there's no way

A man's only as good as his word

I joined a San Diego meetup group for raw vegans and today there was a potluck sponsored by Rancho's Market.  It was so great and the people I met were so cool.  All the food was yummy!  I was so surprized when the chef/owner of Rancho's came out with three huge trays of gourmet raw dishes.  Enough that the whole table of 20 or more were able to eat and still had some left over.  There was raw manicotti, fruit salads, spicy nori rolls, yummy kale greens, desserts, etc. 

I ate mostly raw today, but then had pizza for dinner.  I'll have to get the determination to eat more raw throughout the day.  At least completely vegan.  Rancho's market is great.  I'm going to shop there more often, especially because they have raw cuisine to go and all the yummy organic and vegan goodness as well as a mexican vegan restaurant next door.  I can't believe I haven't gone there very often.  The other store I usually go to is Whole Foods Market and it is really great, but really expensive at the same time.  Another one is People's Co-op in Pacific Beach, but that's a far drive from where i'm at. 

It feels great to be around other raw foodists and I got some contacts to keep in touch with so I hope that motivation will come out of this!

Just passing this along..

Complete Idiot's Guide to Eating Raw


Bo Rinaldi and I are from the Blossoming Lotus Restaurants - on Kauai and in Portland, OR. We have been commissioned to write the Complete Idiot's Guide to Eating Raw , for the popular Idiot's Guide Series by Penguin Books.

We were wondering if you would be willing to put the word out to your readers that we are looking for raw foods 'miracle stories' to include in the book. These can be weight loss, overcoming disease, better skin or life altering events.

The testimonial needs to be 100 words or less.

We are also including a raw resource guide for people to submit information about their websites, products or services geared towards the raw community.

We would need the materials by October 1.

Those submitting testimonials will need to sign a release form, which I can email to whoever is interested.

We feel this is a wonderful opportunity to introduce those in the mainstream to the live foods lifestyle.

Please email mark@veganfusion.com or call with any questions. You can check out our first book, Vegan World Fusion Cuisine at www.veganfusion.com

Many thanks and keep up the great work.


Mark Reinfeld
Vegan Fusion
P.O. Box 1119, Kapaa HI 96746
tel: 888-44LOTUS
fax: 808-821-1010
www.veganfusion.com

Check out this video clip.  Humans eat unnecessary amounts of food.  This is from the movie Over The Hedge.  It speaks multitudes.