It is easy to get lost in the world.. with all the technology and impersonal interactions online.  It's easy to lose yourself when you love really deeply and the love is unrequited and you are left holding onto something with no closure and no answers as to why things have changed.

Even when things are going great for me right now.  Even when I should be the happiest.. just turned 30 years old a few days ago, I'm in a play that makes me happy, and I've been accepted to different Universiites with offers of scholarships, etc. 

It's easy to lose your self-esteem, when it's up for grabs from anyone in the world who comes into your presence, because you have no grasp on it.

Today I came here, another social network, to seek my inner spirit.  I'm at work, so I can't really sit and meditate by a tree... although I have done that many times in the past couple of months. 

I still can't help but wonder, why, do we want something (LOVE) that can hurt us so bad?  Why do we open our hearts to people that we know can just take us to hell and back?  We do we love love, when love seems to hate us?

In a nutshell, I found my kindred spirit and then I was rejected just like that.  Discarded..

This is a nice reminder to myself.. all of the sentiments in that image are those that I strive for on a daily basis, even when not looking at it.  I have to remember how great of a person I am.  I have so much love.. I just have to remember to give it to myself first. 

Just yesterday I was swimming and there was a bee who was drowning. I helped the bee get out.  I was smiling and talking to the bee.  I know that to some it may sound crazy, but for me it was great connecting to this creature with life. This wonderful creature who has a job, just as the rest of us.  It was rubbing it's eyes trying to get the chlorine out and I felt really bad for it, because it couldn't see.  It only wanted to get to the colorful flowers, but it kept running into my tube of sunblock.  Poor thing.. I wanted to help it so bad, but it probably would have been better off drowning, because now it couldn't enjoy it's life..

I think about how often I do this.. to myself, to people, to other living creatures. Sometimes I love other things and people so much that it can be overwhelming for them.  In turn, it hurts me, because I feel the guilt and wrath of the result.  If a person pulls away or if I hinder them from personal growth, by trying to do too much.  When I should really put myself first ALWAYS and then love freely without expectation to ALL living things. 

It's easier said than done, but I'm glad I found this image today, because it reminded me of my self-worth.  It reminded me that I am a really great person and I should never feel bad for who I am.  I remember someone once said, "if your friends talked to you the way you talk to yourself, you would get rid of them."

What can I say... I'm growing.  Growth can be painful, but it all works out for a reason.